Something a little bit different from me.
There isn’t much content out there that is aimed at grooms alone, simply because brides tend to be more interested in reading valuable content about weddings.
For the grooms that would like an a few tips about the whole wedding process, listen up! Here is a guest post from an annonymous groom!
Please comment if it’s what you want to see more of. 🙂
My ( the guest groom ) top 5 tips about The Wedding Club…
My facebook / twitter feed always seems to be full of “5 mistakes not to make as a Bride” or “5 things you wish you would have known when planning a wedding”; but all of these seem to have the target audience of women.
There just does not seem to be any real advice out there for us guys, or at least for (sorry for adding to the sexism) those ones outside of “don’t tell the Bride” that actually want to have an input, or help in the process at least other than turning up.
With this in mind and having been engaged now for 10 months I am still learning, daily, but these would be my top tips about Wedding Club:
1.Friends And Politics
Weddings are an uncanny way of finding out who your friends are, and sadly seeing some of your friends for what they really are. If you have a good set of friends, that you have been through so much with from terrorising ladies in Rhodes to being hated by their other halves, that are there for you from start to finish with a “can do” attitude – you are lucky so skip to 2.
If not then I regret to say it appears everything from the Stag Do to whether they, including that awful wife / girlfriend / “young tramp”, are an “day or evening” invite becomes contentious between you, your friends and your wife to be. Friends you love, have travelled half the country for and you think will be with you no matter what suddenly may have an issue with most things from your choices on suits, the Stag Do destination or worse the decision to not make them the best man. You will not think it can happen and will not see it; but it can.
The answer? there isn’t one sadly, and I say this with a heavy heart, other than go with your gut and talk about your reasoning to your wife to be, the best man to be and the ones that did not make the cut. Don’t let time drag on, bitterness grows much more quickly than you would believe, and be honest from the start.
2.Learn To Smile And Bite Your Tongue
You are going to be a butt of a lot of jokes from the Bride’s friends and her family. Not because you are not good enough to marry the Bride to be, hopefully, but weddings basically take you back to the 1950s whereby it is a “joke” that a male actually wants to take part in the wedding decisions.
Sadly chances are your bride to be will dismiss a lot of your ideas from your colour scheme to your thoughts on what the readings at the Church should be. These will also form “gentle jokes” such as “you never guess what Hugh thought about colours – orange! Ha ha ha” between them and I won’t lie, it will be hard and you will hit the point whereby you want to be that man, that man that says “fine I will just turn up” and walk away from it all.
But don’t be, learn to bite your tongue to the Bridesmaids to be and avoid telling them that they should concentrate on their own lives. Try and smile to the mother in law to be, these people are going to be in your life forever and a few placed “truths” may well get you in serious trouble.
Instead think like these girls, write a list of what is important, what you can concede and then choose your battles. Sound eager to discuss and compromise, all the while having an agenda for a few things that mean something to you and get them in.
3.Make Time To Discuss The Wedding
This one is huge, I cannot say how big this one is. It sounds easy and you may well think it is a given, but life easily gets in the way. Work, gym, seeing mates and enjoying being engaged – all can mean time disappears so quickly and decisions are made without your input. The one thing that you wanted to avoid and not happen happens through lost time, that “one pint” or discussing the wedding when you are both tired and you just cannot be bothered.
Be the one to suggest discussing the wedding, diarise it and stick to it. If anything it will at least make you look like you are interested from the start and not like those other men, it will also give you some focus to discuss what matters to you.
4.Be Prepared To Always Have To Talk About The Wedding, But Not Actually Talk About The Wedding
Suddenly everyone you see wants to talk about your wedding, be it your mates, their other halves, your family or even your work colleagues. It has to be your favourite subject, although it never actually is and you may well be sick of it, and everyone (yes everyone) wants to know about the venue, the service and right through to who is making your cake.
What is the issue you say? The wedding is a secret. Apparently other people, despite being your friends, are “nosey” and no-one outside of the trusted circle (which will not include a lot of your friends if any) can know the details until the last moment. You will be led to believe that there is some form of competition going on between women whereby they all want to compete with each other and you need to be aware of this. It is a lot like Fight Club, without the excitement of some extreme sport but just as likely to resort in violence, in the sense that the first rule about Wedding Club is…
You cannot be honest and just say “yeah the De Vere”; because no doubt Sara from Kettle Bells is also having her wedding there and if you dare divulge this before the invites – it may cause more damage than good as it will be a “competition”. I didn’t believe this either but listen to girls talking about venues etc, and you may be shocked by what you hear.
The answer? Be vague, given the premise that you are that bloke that does not know all the details and hopefully it will stop after a while. If you do not work in an office (if you do buy cake outside of a Friday).
5.Enjoy Being Engaged
This sounds crazy, how can you not enjoy being engaged? Well unless you are fortunate enough to have the wedding paid for you then you will be staying in a lot more than you thought as every penny could “have been used for the wedding”. Saturday night tv and takeaway is about as fun as it may get some weeks, however force yourself out as engagement is just as painful as the saving for the ring given the vortex that is the wedding cost (and they spiral).
But do things still, together. Sitting at home together is not quality time together and do not go out on your own to see your mates all the time, while she is at home. This is not going to help you. You are a team now (if you were not aware) and one step away from a comment of “that could have been used for the wedding” in everything you do.
If you buy yourself goodies (as we need them) get them sent to work, mum’s house or anywhere but your house. Also avoid social media for any nights out etc as the Bridesmaids will be watching too. More practically go out together, use voucher deals and remember to laugh, smile and be happy.
Life is too hard, as is work and you are not getting this time back with your wife to be. With the above pressures going on – some headspace is vital for the both of you. Remember why you fell in love and don’t let Wedding Club take over.